


something i can hold in my hands

by subparauthorings



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Here we are I guess, Pining, Requited Unrequited Love, a week? a year? who knows, basically have fun this is completely self-indulgent, basically i reread percy jackson in five days because i was depressed, basically imagine they are all 18ish and they live in new york, eventually, felt a need to write a fluffy angsty fic, how long will this take me?, i deeply related to annabeth, no betas we die like men, thats the vibe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24588229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subparauthorings/pseuds/subparauthorings
Summary: The thing about Annabeth Chase was that she was so angry and so, so sad. The thing about Percy Jackson was he was so intuitive, and so, so kind. The two of them revolved around each other, in a strange, dancing orbit of unstable planetary bodies, until they inevitably collide.[percabeth damaged college student au, written by a damaged college student who needed some escapism]
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Thalia/Annabeth if u squint, background Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, background Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, background Piper McLean/Jason Grace
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. we enter city nights wide-eyed like lambs to the slaughter

**Author's Note:**

> bro i reread percy jackson because i was really sad and needed to relive my childhood and this happened. its very annabeth centric the first two chapters but i will switch pov eventually!!!! happy reading idk what this is at all 
> 
> lyrics are from 'something i can hold in my hands' by the smith street band, which is such a percy song it makes me cry. please listen if you have tim
> 
> catch me on tumblr @mossdonnatella if u like, but ive literally never posted about pjo/hoo bc i lowkey forgot they existed until i downloaded the entire first series onto my kindle last week. also please forgive any wonky details with hoo characterisation, havent reread them yet!!!!!! <3

_I grew up not far from here, but now nothing's the same,_

_Curiosity is killing me as my nine lives turn to eight_

_If we have nothing, we have love, we share each other's pain,_

_And I have plans for you and me, and our lives are gonna change_

The thing about Annabeth Chase was that she was so angry and so, so sad. 

Her motivation wasn’t solely driven by her anger and sadness, but it was certainly a contributing factor. Annabeth had never met her mother. She had left Annabeth - two months old at the time - and a note on her father’s doorstep in Virginia with not a care in the world, and vanished from their lives. Annabeth’s father, who had just received his Ph.D. and was starting out as an associate professor at Georgetown, hadn’t planned on becoming a father. He and Annabeth’s mother had only been together a year or so, and she had disappeared ten months before dropping Annabeth at his doorstep. He had no choice but to take her in, but Annabeth grew up understanding that she wasn’t wanted. 

When Annabeth was five, her father married. They had two more children together and Annabeth was very clearly the second choice of the family. She didn’t spend a lot of time at her parent’s house, instead choosing to stay out late with her friends, Thalia and Luke, from the time she was in middle school. Thalia was in her year at school, and the two of them were thrown together in circumstance and similarity - two angry, sad girls, angry at their family and sad for the world. Thalia’s parents had divorced when she was just a baby, too - she knew she had a twin brother, Jason, but her father had gotten custody of him in the divorce. She hadn’t seen her brother since she was sixteen months old. 

Thalia’s mother had never been the same since the divorce. She was unstable, and alcoholic. She was an actress, or she tried to be - Thalia mostly supported herself from the child support cheques her father, a distant figure that she had never met, delivered from New York City. Thalia and Annabeth commiserated over shared distant parents, and the two of them were each other’s lifeline. 

Luke Castellan was a different story. He was in the year above them, but he was Thalia’s next-door neighbour, and the three of them shared a camaraderie that was enviable. Whilst he too, shared the sadness of a lost parent, his dad had died when he was seven, and he had old memories of a whole family, the three of them together - something neither Annabeth nor Thalia had. Luke’s mom was a sweet lady who made them sandwiches and let the girls spend most of their time at the Castellan home. She was a little bit out of it, sometimes - forgetting if she had turned off the oven, things like that. May Castellan had a grief-stricken look in her eyes, sometimes mentally abandoning her son in the process of grieving her dead husband. 

But that was okay. The three of them had each other, and that was all they needed. 

But things weren’t always peachy. Luke had had a crush on Thalia for forever, a fact that all of them knew but none of them said aloud. Annabeth had had a crush on Luke for forever, a fact that none of them (except her, obviously) knew and that she was determined to make sure was never said aloud. Luke was under the impression, until her freshman year, that Thalia would eventually give in and date him, but when her and Annabeth were freshmen, Thalia came out as a lesbian. 

Luke was angry, in a way he’d never been before. He’d always been kind, maybe a little bit sad. But never angry. And suddenly, he was. His whole worldview was suddenly confronted and he didn’t like it. He stopped hanging out with Thalia and Annabeth - the two of them were bad for his ‘social status’, anyway, because he was a junior now, blonde, attractive, and an upcoming baseball star. Both Thalia and Annabeth carried around a Luke-shaped hole in their hearts, but it was okay, because they had each other. 

Luke’s vanishing was hard on Annabeth, particularly. She loved him, and the fact that he was so heartbroken over someone else not loving him was so hard for her to take. Especially when he lashed out at them both for Thalia not reciprocating his feelings, and Annabeth was right there, having loved him for half a decade, her heart breaking every time he accused her of taking Thalia’s side. 

Just before Annabeth’s sixteenth birthday, the unthinkable happened. Thalia’s mom had picked her up from the train station, having already had a lot to drink. She ran a red light, and slammed an SUV in the middle of an intersection. The couple in the SUV walked away with minor injuries, thank God, but the same could not be said for Thalia and her mom. Her mom died on impact - Thalia had significant injuries and was put into a comatose state. 

Annabeth couldn’t believe it, she was barely able to cope. Her mother had abandoned her before they had even met. Her father had chosen another woman, another family, over her. Luke had decided she wasn’t good enough. And Thalia was taken from her in the cruellest possible way. Everybody Annabeth had ever had the potential to love had gone away. 

After Thalia became comatose, Annabeth threw herself into her studies. Her dream school was NYU, and she wanted to study architecture and design. Her dyslexia made studying difficult, but that was all the more motivation for her. She went from a B+/A- student with no extracurriculars to a straight A valedictorian candidate, student body president, track star, and weekend voluntary activist. 

She visited Thalia every single afternoon, knowing that no one else would come. Her hospital bills were being covered by a man named Zeus Grace (pretentious name, Annabeth had laughed) who she assumed was Thalia’s father, a big-shot CEO of a consultancy firm named Olympus in New York. Luke went back to smiling at Annabeth in the halls sometimes, but she couldn’t forget the six months where he treated her as if she were a monster when Thalia was still a permanent fixture in their lives. When Luke graduated, Thalia had been in a coma for fourteen months, and it had been that same amount of time since Annabeth had had a real friend. Luke was going to study health science in Seattle, and Annabeth was truly happy for him. She was shocked to discover she wouldn’t really miss him. 

Annabeth graduated valedictorian of her class a year later, and her father, stepmom and little brothers all came to the ceremony. Whilst her stepmom and brothers just seemed bored, her heart felt unexplainably heavy when she caught a glimpse of pride in her father’s eyes. They had given her a small hatchback as a graduation present - more, she suspected, a result of her father recently being granted tenure than her own achievements. She had been accepted on full scholarship for track at NYU and moved to the city in the summer, excited to start over. 

The weekend that she got to the city, she had a plan. After moving her boxes from the back of her car into her dorm room, which according to the cute sign hanging on her door, she would be be sharing with a _Piper M._ , Annabeth changed into her most mature and stately I’m-a-middle-class-professor’s-daughter-who-graduated-valedictorian-and-is-an-upstanding-member-of-society outfit, applied makeup and steeled herself. She walked the few blocks uptown to the offices of _Olympus_ , where she had used all of the pull her father’s prestige granted her to secure a meeting with the CEO. She was only able to secure five minutes, but five minutes was all she needed. 

Zeus Grace was almost exactly what she had been expecting. He was a tall man with Thalia’s black hair and startlingly blue eyes, and an air of authority that none would dare supersede. The minute Annabeth entered his office, she felt ridiculously small. 

“Good afternoon, sir,” she spoke her rehearsed greeting with more confidence than she felt. 

“Miss Chase,” his response was almost amused. “I hear you argued with my secretary for over an hour in an attempt to secure this time. I wouldn’t wish to waste it. What can I do for you?”

Annabeth took a deep breath, and launched into her speech that her bathroom mirror had heard many, many times. “I’m sure you’re aware that your daughter, Thalia, has been in a coma for over nineteen months now. She was my closest friend from the time I was seven years old. Since she’s been in hospital, I’ve visited her every day. I don’t want any credit for that, or anything,” she added to the speech ad lib, realising how it might come across. “I love her like my own sister, and I would like to keep visiting her. If you’ll allow me, I’ve compiled a list of reasons it would be beneficial to transfer her care to St Johns Hospital here in the city.” 

Zeus didn’t seem surprised by her request. Annabeth retrieved her folder from her satchel and placed it on his desk. He placed his hand over the folder and fixed Annabeth with his intense gaze. 

“I don’t need this to make a decision regarding my own daughter, Miss Chase,” he spoke with such conviction Annabeth felt even smaller. “However, the effort and diligence is appreciated. I do not know what you are studying at university, but if you have an interest in political consultancy please feel free to call my office. We’d be happy to offer you an internship.”

Annabeth was unsure what to make of this. 

“However, regarding Thalia - answer me one question, Miss Chase. I’m aware you’ve visited her every day since that unfortunate accident. My question is - why do you care so much? She’s clearly not going to wake. Why continue to visit?”

Annabeth considered her phrasing for a moment, though she already knew the answer. 

“Because she’s my best friend. Her presence comforts me, and I hope mine comforts her, even if she can’t consciously recognise me. It’s about me, sure - I like being around her. But it’s also about her. I never want her to feel like she’s alone.”

Zeus nodded, as if she had answered correctly. 

“I’ll arrange the transfer immediately. Thank you, Miss Chase. Both for your time today, and your devotion to my daughter.” Annabeth let out a sigh of relief. She considered this man, and his strange, distant, fond regard for his daughter. Maybe she had judged him too harshly. Annabeth thanked him profusely, dusting her blouse of nonexistent crumbs and rising to leave. 

“One last question, Miss Chase,” Zeus stopped her. “May I ask what university you’re attending here in New York?”

“NYU, sir,” Annabeth replied, unsure where this was going. He nodded. 

“My son, Thalia’s brother Jason, is also attending NYU. He is studying political science and government. I would appreciate it if you looked out for him - he can tend to isolate himself from his peers. Thank you, Annabeth, for your time today.”

That was the first time he had addressed her by her first name, and it startled her so much that it took her a moment to realise that she was dismissed. She promised Zeus she would look out for his son and his secretary showed her out, but she didn’t know how to go about locating Jason Grace. She didn’t even know if she wanted to - maybe it would hurt too much. 

When Annabeth returned to her dorm from her strange meeting, she entered to see a girl sitting on the bed opposite the one she had claimed. The girl was very pretty, but dressed in a manner that showed she didn’t want to draw attention to it. She was attempting to arrange objects on the shelves above her pillow but paused every so often to check her phone. This must be Piper M, Annabeth thought to herself. 

At the sound of the door, the girl turned from her task and looked at Annabeth. She grinned. “Annabeth C, right? I’m Piper. It looks like we’ll be rooming together.”

Annabeth worked up a smile. The girl was clearly trying to be friendly, and it wasn’t her fault Annabeth had had a taxing day. It also wasn’t Piper’s fault that she didn’t realise that the photos she was attempting to arrange of her and a man so similar to her in looks that it must be her father, would send a wave of jealousy and sadness through Annabeth’s chest. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” she said, aiming for ‘lighthearted’ but probably falling somewhere in the ballpark of ‘exhausted but trying to be polite’. “Nice to meet you. Sorry about the boxes.” She gestured to the boxes that had been all over the floor when she left, but had been placed on Annabeth’s side of the room in her absence.

Piper waved a hand. “No worries! My dad helped me move them. I hope you don’t mind, I wanted to start settling in. It’s been a long couple days, we drove out here from California.”

Annabeth resented the returning curl of jealousy in her stomach. This girl didn’t know anything about her - she wasn’t trying to use Annabeth’s trauma to hurt her. “That’s a long trip,” Annabeth mused, trying for casual. “What made you want to come to NYU?” 

“I wanted to go to Juilliard,” she said, almost sadly, “but they only wanted me because… well, it doesn’t matter. Tisch is in the same city, just as renowned, I figured it would be a good choice.” Annabeth got the sense that there was more to Piper’s story than the other girl was letting on, but she was hardly one to talk. Annabeth was a private person and Piper was a stranger; she wasn’t going to try and coax Piper’s story out of her. “How about you?” Piper asked. 

“I’ve wanted to go to NYU for years,” Annabeth smiled. “I’m majoring in architecture and design.”

Piper nodded. “That’s cool. Do you want some help unpacking? I’m nearly done here.”

Annabeth, who’d been distraught at the idea of unpacking everything herself after driving from Virginia and meeting with the CEO father of her comatose friend, accepted the offer, albeit somewhat warily. Trust did not come easily to her, after all. But as the two began to unpack Annabeth’s boxes together, a sense of camaraderie that Annabeth hadn’t felt in a long time began to bloom, and she felt that she may finally be making a new friend. 


	2. we fill up on things we can’t explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for kind of underage drinking??? eighteen year olds drinking anyways which is legal where i live but not in the states
> 
> also i appreciate that my timeline here is not great and that's normally someth that bothers me so i apologise. rip. also, second chapter from annabeths sort-of pov, with real percy!!!!!! yay. the chap after this is already written and will be up once chapter four is nearly done. i'm not sure how many chapters this is gonna be yet, its shaping up to be somewhere in the ballpark of sevenish??? maybe less. idk this is literally just pouring out of me and writing itself i have no idea whats going on
> 
> enjoy lovelies!!! hit me up @mossdonnatella on tumblr if u like xoxo

_All I ever needed was better timing and plans,_

_All I ever needed was someone like you_

_And all my life I’ve known this is exactly what I should do_

Two months into her first semester, Annabeth had opened up somewhat to Piper. It felt good to finally have a friend again, after so long, but it was laced with her own insecurities - that Piper, pretty and talented as she was, was only friends with Annabeth for purposes of convenience. It wouldn’t do well to have your roommate hate you, would it? But Annabeth knew logically her fears were probably unfounded. Piper was nice, and she seemed to like Annabeth. But Annabeth couldn’t shake her abandonement-rblated anxieties, as much as she may try. 

Piper had a couple friends in the city, and she had introduced Annabeth to them. The first was a small, cheery dude named Leo, originally from California as well, who had moved to New York a few years ago after the death of his mother, when his father volunteered to take him in. Leo, along with Piper’s other friends, had gone to summer camp with Piper and was their age, but he wasn’t in college. He worked full-time at his father’s blacksmith shop, and was more gifted with his hands than anyone Annabeth had ever met. Despite Leo’s antics occasionally giving Annabeth a headache, she understood his want to create something that lasted. 

Her second friend was a big, muscly guy named Frank, who was a year younger than them, still in high school. He worked part time as a trainer at the local gym, and was head over heels in love with another member of the group, Hazel Levesque. Hazel was also a senior, and she lived with her adoptive brother Nico and their weird, slightly creepy adoptive dad and his sweet wife, in a fancy yet slightly dim and dusty townhouse on the Upper East Side. 

The last member of Piper’s gang, and the only one Annabeth had never met prior to the Halloween party she was apparently invited to, was a guy named Percy Jackson. Percy was apparently a New York native, who had decided against going to college as school had never been his cup of tea, and was a nationally ranked swimmer who was trying out for the U.S. Olympic team next year. He taught swimming at the same Aquatic and Fitness Centre Frank trained at. He also worked as a tour guide at the aquarium, apparently. “Must really like the sea,” Annabeth mused as Piper was telling her all this. 

Piper nodded. “I honestly think he’s part fish.”

Leo was throwing a Halloween party this year, and apparently Annabeth was invited. Piper had thrown her friends a game night in their dorm room, which had forced Annabeth to meet them all, except for Percy, who had excused himself on a ‘little brother emergency’. Piper explained that Percy’s brother Tyson was the sweetest kid in the world, all of twelve, but he had a learning disability that made him appear much younger. Percy would often help him out with school and extracurriculars, or with his mom around their apartment. 

Leo had proclaimed that Annabeth was now a member of their group, even though she often felt like an outsider when she was around them. Leo had extended her an invite to his Halloween party given her new status, and Annabeth had accepted out of politeness. She was planning to go for an hour or so, then politely make her excuses and head home to study for the quiz she had the following Friday. Still, it was nice to feel accepted, and a part of something. 

Piper had insisted she and Annabeth get ready together. Piper wasn’t really one for dressing up, but Halloween was different, apparently. Piper had secured a green toga and headdress and had asked Annabeth to help her apply green face paint to her neck, arms and back, where she couldn’t reach. Piper was going all-out for Lady Liberty. “New York spirit, Annabeth!” She had insisted, waving the NYU flag usually stuck above her bed. Annabeth laughed good-naturedly. 

Because she wasn’t overly invested in the party, Annabeth had picked up a pair of cat ears from the corner shop for a dollar fifty, and allowed Piper to draw three whiskers and a button nose on her face in eyeliner. Paired with black jeans and her black turtleneck, Annabeth passed for a spooky black cat. 

“So,” Piper said, halfway through greenify-ing her left arm. “I met a guy today.”

“Yeah?” Annabeth asked. She wasn’t really that interested in any affairs of the heart, particularly after the disaster that was Luke, but she knew Piper loved love, and she wanted to make Piper happy. “Was he cute?”

“ _So_ cute!” Piper gushed. “We hit it off right away. Literally! I ran into him on the green. I was so mortified. He was blonde and he had the most gorgeous blue eyes, like sapphires. He gave me his number.” Piper gestured to her desk, where a piece of notepaper was pinned to the backing. _Jason,_ the messy scrawl read. 

Annabeth’s stomach dropped. She had only ever met one person with eyes like sapphires, and that person had a brother named Jason and a scary dad who had personally asked her to look out for said brother. A duty which, in her frenzy of college orientation, she had left on the back burner. 

“Did he say what he was studying?” Annabeth asked, attempting to be casual.

“Gov, or Poli-Sci, can’t quite remember which,” Piper shared excitedly. It must be him, Annabeth thought. She was shaken from her reverie when Piper said “I invited him to tag along to the party. He seemed like he could use some fun.”

Annabeth suddenly really did not want to go. She thought about staring into sapphire eyes, _Thalia’s_ eyes, and her stomach roiled. She felt nauseous. It must have shown on her faee, because Piper asked her if she was okay. 

“Yeah,” Annabeth replied faintly. She hadn’t told Piper much about herself, and definitely not about Thalia or Luke. She’d mentioned that she’d never known her mother, and that she felt like an outcast in her small Virginian town just south of the D.C. border, but nothing deep or intimate. And she wasn’t about to now. Annabeth steeled herself and said “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Once ready, the two of them piled into Annabeth’s Volkswagen and she drove them uptown to Leo’s apartment. Leo used to live with his dad, but because he was on a decent full-time wage he could afford his own small place, which was currently overflowing with a vast array of people between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. There was no way all of these people could be of legal drinking age, especially considering she recognised Frank, Hazel, and Nico, all of whom were seniors in high school. 

Annabeth and Piper slid inside, people yelling and whooping for Piper’s Lady Liberty costume. One thing Annabeth had learned about Piper in the two months that they had known each other was that Piper didn’t particularly like attention. Annabeth shouldered it silently and ushered the other girl into the kitchen. Piper sent her a glance of thanks. 

“Piper, Annabeth, you made it!” The girls turned to see Leo approaching them, classic red Solo cup in hand. “Help yourself to punch, it’s free and deadly.” He gestured to the tub of some mixed alcoholic drink on the bench that smelled like sugar and sin. Annabeth shuddered. She’d had some experiences with alcohol - wine at the dinner table, stolen beers with Luke and Thalia when she was fourteen, that kind of thing. But she hadn’t been the type to be invited to parties in high school, let alone go to them, and she’d never seen anything quite that horrific. Besides, she was driving.

“I’ll pass, thanks,” she smiled at Leo ruefully. “Designated driver.”

Leo shrugged, spooning some into a cup for Piper. “Suit yourself. Oh, sick! Hey, Nyssa!” He called after a dark-haired girl who attempted to be fusing some kind of makeshift beer opener using Leo’s gas fire. Annabeth shook her head as Piper took a swig of the punch and shuddered. 

“Okay, I don’t want to know what’s in that,” she laughed. “Thanks for coming, Annabeth. I love my group of friends, but sometimes at these big parties I get… you know. Intimidated.” 

Annabeth nodded, knowing the feeling. “I get that. But I don’t have much experience,” the bitterness in her voice surprised even herself. Piper hid her taken-aback look quickly. 

“Not a partier in high school?” She asked. Piper and Annabeth were still dancing around each other somewhat. They had opened up to each other a little, but they were still two damaged girls with trauma in their pasts. Idly, Annabeth thought they could both do with some therapy. 

She shook her head in response to Piper’s question. “I didn’t have a lot of friends,” She shared. “When I was younger, I had some. But they went away.” It was the most she had shared with anyone in a long time. Piper seemed to understand this. 

“Me neither,” She replied. “My dad’s kind of… well known, and people only saw that about me.”

Annabeth suddenly felt a bit more at peace in this dark, busy, loud kitchen. She felt like this was a milestone - finally finding someone she could share pieces of her life with at a comfortable pace. It felt… refreshing, she realised. Maybe she didn’t want to be totally alone. Maybe she missed having someone to share her life with.

-

Forty or so minutes later, Piper had vanished at the behest of Hazel, wanting her advice about something or other. Annabeth was standing against a kitchen cabinet, sipping a can of coke and browsing Twitter on her phone. A few people had stopped by to say hi - Frank very quickly, and Nico had chatted with her for ten minutes or so. She wasn’t hating it as much as she thought she would, even though she was surrounded by drunk people pulsating and gyrating to some electronic beat. 

The kitchen was a little more peaceful. A transitory space, people came for drinks and then went. Annabeth liked it. She could stand back in peace and observe. It was kind of fun. 

When (according to her calculations) she had approximately nineteen minutes until she could make a polite exit, a guy entered the kitchen looking surprisingly sober for eight’o’clock on All Hallows Eve. He was also, by Annabeth’s standards, ridiculously attractive. His dark hair flopped endearingly over his sea-green eyes, and his body was just the right combination of lean and buff. Annabeth looked down at her phone to hide the blush creeping up her neck. 

To anyone else, of course, she would have looked cool and composed. She may not do emotional intimacy, but Annabeth had been physically attracted to lots of people. She knew how to handle it. To others, Annabeth appeared cool and standoffish, an ice princess. That had been her nickname in high school. Student Body Ice Princess. 

Inside though, Annabeth stomach was full of butterflies as the attractive stranger shot her a smile as he reached around her to snag a coke from the fridge. Once he cracked it, he took a sip and leaned back against the cabinets opposite her. 

“Hey,” he said lightly, almost a hint of shyness in his voice. “I’m Percy.”


	3. and i have years that pass like minutes for the plans that i have made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [trigger warning for mentions of dv, no graphic depictions. if you're in a dv situation, please reach out to 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) if you're in the us, or 1800 65 64 63 if youre in australia. change is possible. if anything in this chapter triggers you at all, please feel free to reach out to me. i'm always here to listen. <3]
> 
> ok i lied
> 
> ch 4 isnt written yet but i want validation so im posting now!!!! ch 4 prob wont be up for a week or two because it is regrettably my least favourite time of semester - finals season. kms
> 
> as always kudos n comments are always appreciated!!!!! lots of love, hmu on tumblr @mossdonnatella if u like donna moss, me being angery about social injustice and no cohesive theme whatsoever. also for anyone who is actually here from virtue of knowing me/my work/my tumblr i am FINALLY outlining/drafting the josh/donna youve got mail au i havent forgotten i promise
> 
> lots of LOVE babes xoxo

_And my_ ~~ _father_ ~~ _mother was a hero so I follow in her path_

_Despite endless words of wisdom sometimes I live to see her laugh_

_When I was young, I wanted to destroy everything I’d made_

_Now I’m old, I’m jaded, but at least I’m not the same_

The thing about Percy Jackson was that he was so intuitive, and so, so kind. 

Percy didn’t remember his father well, just his smile and his bright shirts and the way they both used to light up a room. His father had died at sea when he was seven and his brother, Tyson, was only one. After he died, Sally Jackson wasn’t able to support herself and her two sons alone. So, for the safety of her sons, she married Gabe Ugliano, a manager of an appliance store who was sweet enough at first, but soon turned nasty. At least, Sally had surmised, he only hit her, and not her sons. They would never have to know, she thought. 

But the thing was, Percy did know. By the time Percy was twelve, he was aware of his stepdad’s treatment of his mother. Percy idolised his mom, and couldn’t stand the idea of anyone hurting her, ever. So he, all of twelve, decided to help his mother go to the authorities and get Gabe put away for good. Percy, dyslexic and ADHD, wasn’t good with learning or reading, but he researched on the school computers at his Midtown middle school all he could about domestic violence and domestic violence survivors, and how to help people living as victims of DV. 

He didn’t like thinking of his mother as a victim. Sally was the last person in his universe he would consider a victim - she was his hero. But Gabe was evil, and picturing his mother’s face every time he deciphered the word ‘victim’ was a necessary path to stopping him. 

Percy sat down with his mother one day in the August before seventh grade, and told her what he had been researching. His mom looked close to tears - a rarity, Sally always tried to be strong for her sons - and she promised that she would talk to someone about fixing the situation. 

By the time Percy was going back to school - metaphorically, as he’d been kicked out of six schools and counting, and he wasn’t really going ‘back’ per say - Gabe was gone. Sally never disclosed why, but Percy had a funny feeling she hadn’t gone to the police. What good would the police do, anyway? They didn’t care about real people. 

Money was tighter with Gabe gone, so Percy, determined to help his mother who deserved nothing but the best, walked into the Aquatic and Fitness Centre after school one Thursday and asked the head swim coach, a guy called Chiron, if he could have a job teaching swimming to the little kids. 

Swimming was the only thing Percy had ever been any good at. He flunked his classes at school, and even other kids thought he was trouble. The only friend he had was a guy called Grover Underwood, who he met this year at his sixth grade school. Grover had been held back a grade and was slightly older than he was, but Grover had decided to transfer with Percy to his new school, because whilst Grover may have been Percy’s only friend, the feeling was definitely mutual. 

But Percy loved to swim. And he loved kids - mentoring kids and looking after them. It was a side effect of having a younger brother who was attached to him at the hip and also had a learning disability, he was good with younger children. Chiron asked him to demo his skills, apparently having no problem with offering a part time job to a thirteen-year-old, and after seeing Percy in action, the job was his. 

After realising that Percy’s new school had a swim team, and that with the extra money he was bringing in, Sally wasn’t as stretched for help at home, Percy’s seventh grade school was the one that stuck. He hung out with Grover, and trained as a swimmer, and looked after his brother. He made friends with a girl called Rachel at his school, who he hung out with in his classes that he didn’t have with Grover. Seventh and eighth grade, Percy thought he might finally be okay. 

In the summer between seventh and eighth grade, his mum sent him (at Chiron’s suggestion) to a sport-intensive summer camp on Long Island. It was the first place he’d felt truly accepted by his peers. He made a group of friends, a real group - Piper, Leo, and Nico, and then in the summer between eighth and ninth grade, Hazel and Frank. He wrote to his friends often, as they all lived out of the city other than Hazel and Nico (and their dad was frankly _weird_ and they lived in the wealthy part of town near Rachel, which he hated). 

His mom started seeing his English teacher, Mr Blofis, That was a bit strange, but it was cool. Mr Blofis was nice, and Percy got to call him Paul when he came over. Rachel and Grover snickered with him in the cafeteria when Paul would smile awkwardly at him as he passed, carrying a lunch tray to the teachers’ lounge. 

Starting high school was harder. Suddenly grades mattered more, and Percy struggled with grades. His teachers knew he was smart, and they pushed him, which was a bad thing to do to a kid with ADHD. On top of that, Rachel was being forced by her rich parents to go to some snooty boarding school in Connecticut, and Grover was transferring to a school uptown that specialised in environmental science, which he’d been fascinated with since he learned to talk. Grover may have been held back a year, but he was on top of his classes now, and with all the protest and rally-organising he’d done, the environmental school was excited to accept him. 

Suddenly he was at a school where his teachers hated him and he had no friends. Again. At least home life was slightly better. Paul had moved in to their tiny apartment, too, and it became apparent that a two-bedroom was not big enough for four people almost full-grown people. It had been okay when Percy and Tyson were little, with Gabe - besides, their mother worked so much she was never at home. Suddenly there was fifteen-year-old Percy, nine-year-old Tyson and a couple that had been together for just under two years and were still very lovey-dovey. 

Halfway through the year they moved into a slightly bigger three bedroom, further from Percy’s school but closer to his mom’s work. It was nice having his own bedroom for the first time in his life, but it made him feel very very lonely. With his friends gone, his brother in his own room, and coming and going at all hours because of his job and his swimming, he was almost always alone. That was hard on such an empathetic, people-person kid. 

In tenth grade, things improved for one reason - Leo. Percy’s friend Leo Valdez from camp was coming to the city to live with his father. Whilst Percy felt incredibly sorry for Leo - his mother passed over the summer in a house fire while he was away - it was good to have a friend around, someone he could help and someone to keep him company. Leo came to Percy’s school, and Leo was classified as even more of a ‘problem’ child than Percy was. But Percy let Leo stay at his house often and Mr. Blofis did his best to help them with their studies - two ADHD kids with trauma to boot. 

In eleventh grade, Percy started training more intensely, if that was even possible. Chiron said he might qualify for the 2020 Olympics. He was a natural, and he’d been training for four years already. He cut school to swim. His grades went from Cs to Ds, some Fs even, but he didn’t care. Frank had moved with his mom to the city, too - she had just returned from a tour of Afghanistan and had been offered a job here in New York. Percy saw Frank more, but still not as much - Frank went to a different, private school uptown. 

However, it was nice to have pretty much everyone in the city. He missed Piper, who was still in California, but promising to come back for college. Every other weekend he, Leo, Frank, Hazel and Nico met up for cheeseburgers, fries and shakes at _Hestia’s_ , a hole-in-the-wall burger joint that always felt like home. He saw Grover after school most days, and Rachel on holidays when she came back from Connecticut. Paul and his mom got engaged, and he felt like he was finally accepted by a weird, disparate, city-spanning family. 

Percy graduated close to the bottom of his class. He wasn’t planning on college. School had never agreed with him, and he was happier without it. He went full-time at the swim centre, teaching kids and adults, and picked up another part-time job touring the aquarium. He loved everything about the ocean. Percy’s room was still filled with picture books of fish and he knew more about them than practically anything else. 

Over the summer, Piper moved to the city. He knew Piper’s story and he felt bad for her - Piper had confessed to him over Skype how Juilliard said they’d only take her if her father recommended her, or came to teach a class. Percy didn’t think colleges could do that, but when they were run by famous people in the entertainment industry, apparently they could. Piper knew her grades were mediocre, but she was an excellent musician and singer and she had impeccable references. She should have been accepted to Juilliard anyway. But on principle she refused to use her dad to get anything, and she decided to go to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts instead. 

The night after Piper moved in, Percy had them all (the Camp Gang, as they called themselves) around to his place for drinks and dinner. Reunited at last, he thought. His mom and Paul were on a date, and Tyson was staying with a friend. They had the whole apartment to themselves. 

The gang trickled in, arriving in various definitions of ‘on time’. Nico and Hazel were of course, punctual to a tee, and Piper was a fashionable five-ish minutes behind them. Frank was sort of endearingly late, and Leo rocked up thirty-five minutes after he was supposed to. After they all settled around Percy’s dining room table and served themselves the Chinese takeout on the table, Percy raised a toast. 

“To us, the Camp Gang, reunited again. May we never be separated again, and may we all find happiness over the course of this year.” Everybody laughed and some ‘hear, hears’ echoed around the table as they all dug in to eat. Piper, on Percy’s left, struck up a conversation with him. 

“So, I met my roommate last night,” she said casually. “She’s kinda cute.”

Percy fixed Piper with a stare. 

“What?” She asked him innocently. 

“I don’t need setting up, Piper,” he replied reproachfully. “I’m fine, thank you very much.”

“You’re eighteen and you’ve never dated.”

“I’ve dated,” he replied indignantly. 

“Rachel, for like two months, in eighth grade,” Piper replied, rolling her eyes. “You guys barely even kissed. That doesn’t count.”

Percy blushed. 

“Anyway, I’m not trying to set you up, I’m just saying she’s cute! I’m thinking of hosting a get-together in my dorm. Maybe I could even invite Grover and Rachel! Would that be weird? I don’t know them super well, but they’re cool. I don’t really have any friends except for you guys in the city…” Piper kept talking, but Percy, ADHD as ever, had zoned out. He was watching Frank and Hazel. Not in a creepy way, just observing. Frank had had a crush on Hazel since they were thirteen, but Hazel was completely oblivious. He was smiling at her softly, fondly, as she told some story to Leo, Nico adding elements every now and again. 

_He wanted that_ , Percy realised suddenly. 

Percy was a giver, his mother always said, a lover. He accepted this weird, ragtag group of people into his life and fed them and laughed with them, and that made him happy. Even if he never made the Olympic swim team, Percy would be happy to live in this city and teach kids the wonder of the water and stay near the people he loved. He just wanted to love somebody. 

Okay, maybe that was a stupid realisation to have at eighteen, when you were training to be an Olympian, and you lived with your mother and her fiancee and your baby brother. But Percy recognised a stirring, deep in his soul. This was what he wanted. He wanted big dinners with his friends, and laughter, and love. He wanted his life to be filled with others - others who loved him. It was something he had been denied from anyone other than his family for more than half his life, and he was finally ready to accept it. 

_Love conquers all_ , Piper had once told him wisely. Well, maybe she was occasionally worth listening to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway gang i have a lot of feelings. this is probably too deep for fic end notes but love is so important and also like, theres so much fic where percy (who canonically hates school and struggles with the workload) is studying marine biology and whilst thats super fun to read as an adhd young adult i sometimes feel like theres a real lack of representation of characters who dont go to college simply because they dont want to???? like i could rant about this for a long time but even though i do okay in school i always felt growing up like i didnt have another option until i read pjo and saw a literary hero that was adhd and bad in school and that didnt detract from his intelligence or heroism and whilst i normally love fic from what ive seen pjo fic kinda erases that representation that was so important to my formative years and i really want 2 represent that in my work u kno


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